April 7, 2026

Do We Need "Fear of Hell" to Do The Right Thing?

What if doing the right thing didn’t have to come from fear, but from the strength of your own character?

This episode features Judge Lynn Toler, who grew up navigating a home with an unmedicated bipolar parent, learning early how survival, resilience, and moral choices intersect.

The conversation explores how childhood challenges shaped their understanding of integrity, faith, and personal responsibility. It asks a central question: do people need the fear of hell to act rightly, or can character guide us on its own?

🧠 What you will learn:

How childhood adversity shapes resilience and decision-making
Why integrity can stand apart from fear or punishment
How self-awareness and reflection help break inherited patterns
The role of values and ethics in everyday choices

🔑 Key takeaways:

Character is built from internal values, not external threats
Resilience and self-reflection help navigate complex moral decisions
Ethical behavior strengthens trust and community even when no one is watching

Listen now to this honest conversation on integrity, ethics, and personal growth.

Watch on YouTube or subscribe to YoggNation’s Spirit of Gratitude podcast for more discussions that turn life lessons into practical tools.

00:00 - Growing Up In Survival Mode

01:20 - A Mother’s Quiet Rescue Plan

02:05 - Brilliance, Bipolar Disorder, And Atheism

03:10 - Rejecting Karma And Choosing Process

04:10 - Integrity Without Reward Or Punishment

WEBVTT

00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:01.520
You mentioned joy and fulfillment.

00:00:01.679 --> 00:00:04.719
How did that relate to your difficult upbringing?

00:00:05.040 --> 00:00:07.839
Oh, I had no joy or fulfillment as as a child.

00:00:08.240 --> 00:00:08.880
Oh no.

00:00:09.039 --> 00:00:11.199
I mean, we were fighting for our lives all the time.

00:00:11.519 --> 00:00:12.240
In what way?

00:00:12.560 --> 00:00:15.839
Well, my father was uh bipolar, unmedicated.

00:00:15.919 --> 00:00:17.359
He used to shoot guns in the house.

00:00:17.519 --> 00:00:18.399
We'd be running.

00:00:18.480 --> 00:00:20.640
We had, you know, blankets in the car.

00:00:20.800 --> 00:00:22.879
We would go to the drive-in movies and come back.

00:00:23.039 --> 00:00:24.160
Mom put me on the shoulders.

00:00:24.239 --> 00:00:26.320
If I looked in and he was there, we could get in.

00:00:26.399 --> 00:00:28.239
If not, we had to find someplace else to go.

00:00:28.399 --> 00:00:30.559
So we'd be going around 2 o'clock in the morning.

00:00:30.719 --> 00:00:38.000
Then in the morning, she would take us to a store, buy us some clothes, and send us to school and hope everything is calmed down by the time that we got home.

00:00:38.240 --> 00:00:40.079
I mean, my whole life was like that.

00:00:40.240 --> 00:00:45.280
Daddy didn't put mommy didn't put all the shades down equidistantly all over the house.

00:00:45.439 --> 00:00:55.119
And Daddy called her every five minutes for 12 hours to express his discontent about him embarrassing, her embarrassing him and his community.

00:00:55.280 --> 00:00:56.159
Now, wait a minute.

00:00:56.320 --> 00:01:00.079
My father was a fantastic dude, wonderful, brilliant.

00:01:00.240 --> 00:01:05.280
But whatever the whatever God gives you in excess on one side of the brain, he shorts you on the other.

00:01:05.439 --> 00:01:09.840
And so he was super, super brilliant and he was emotionally undone.

00:01:09.920 --> 00:01:11.840
Nobody hated it more than him.

00:01:12.000 --> 00:01:14.560
But so we were all just trying to make it.

00:01:14.799 --> 00:01:20.079
And in that sense, what we were doing was, you know, surviving every day.

00:01:20.239 --> 00:01:27.760
I remember my mom coming out of sleeping in the doghouse, coming to my window at night in the snow, get me a coat, I gotta go.

00:01:28.079 --> 00:01:39.040
And she did all of that, sent my sister to Dartmouth, me to Harvard, uh, never saw a bill.

00:01:39.120 --> 00:01:42.719
Don't know how much any of that cost, because they paid for it out of pocket.

00:01:43.040 --> 00:01:48.400
And no one knew the nightmare that was happening at our house.

00:01:48.560 --> 00:01:48.799
Sure.

00:01:49.120 --> 00:01:58.319
Because A, you don't tell, B, people don't understand, and C, you know, it's just not for everybody.

00:01:58.480 --> 00:02:03.280
I can talk about it now because everybody involved is dead except for my sister and I.

00:02:03.439 --> 00:02:04.959
So, but I'm just saying.

00:02:05.280 --> 00:02:08.319
And your dad being brilliant, he had an IQ of 144, right?

00:02:08.479 --> 00:02:08.639
Right.

00:02:08.800 --> 00:02:09.039
Yeah.

00:02:09.199 --> 00:02:11.039
And he was the dumbest one of his brothers.

00:02:11.520 --> 00:02:11.919
Really?

00:02:12.159 --> 00:02:14.639
Yeah, and all of his brothers crashed and burned.

00:02:14.719 --> 00:02:16.800
They just could they couldn't, they couldn't live.

00:02:17.199 --> 00:02:25.439
So he was aware of his condition, but did you, your mom, your sister, and your dad even say that this is God's fault?

00:02:25.599 --> 00:02:28.560
I mean, was was there any placing of blame to as to who he was?

00:02:28.879 --> 00:02:30.639
Oh, my my father was an atheist.

00:02:30.879 --> 00:02:31.599
He was an atheist.

00:02:31.840 --> 00:02:33.680
Yeah, complete and utter utter atheist.

00:02:33.919 --> 00:02:34.000
Okay.

00:02:34.240 --> 00:02:35.280
He did he didn't believe in it.

00:02:35.360 --> 00:02:38.960
He just, he just well, he was born in 1919.

00:02:39.039 --> 00:02:40.000
There was a lot going on.

00:02:40.080 --> 00:02:52.240
There was a lot wrong with him, and there was a lot wrong with his brothers, and there was a lot wrong with his, you know, so he just he never could say he used to say religion is what they tell tell people.

00:02:52.719 --> 00:02:55.199
So when you take their money, they're okay with it.

00:02:56.159 --> 00:03:01.680
It just goes back to the phrase that I believe in everyone fights their karmic past.

00:03:01.840 --> 00:03:02.800
Do you believe that?

00:03:04.319 --> 00:03:04.639
No.

00:03:05.120 --> 00:03:05.360
No.

00:03:05.599 --> 00:03:06.000
Mm-mm.

00:03:07.280 --> 00:03:07.599
No.

00:03:08.319 --> 00:03:08.800
I believe it.

00:03:08.879 --> 00:03:09.439
So I'm just saying.

00:03:10.800 --> 00:03:13.360
No, I'm just a very pedantic chick.

00:03:13.599 --> 00:03:21.840
I'm very uh I'm very not surface, but I'm all about process and procedure.

00:03:21.919 --> 00:03:23.840
I'm about one foot in front of the other.

00:03:24.319 --> 00:03:29.039
I don't think that, you know, you work hard, you do well.

00:03:29.280 --> 00:03:29.520
Sure.

00:03:29.680 --> 00:03:33.840
Uh you work hard and you and you don't do well, then you gotta work harder.

00:03:34.080 --> 00:03:36.400
And I'm not owed anything.

00:03:36.719 --> 00:03:43.520
My parents said I'm not owed anything, except for for decent parents and and laws that are that are equal.

00:03:43.759 --> 00:03:44.159
Right.

00:03:44.560 --> 00:03:55.439
And so I just I don't tend to put a lot of spiritual wrapping around the functions of my day.

00:03:56.000 --> 00:03:59.439
But I think the foundation though is it come boils down to being a good person.

00:03:59.840 --> 00:04:10.879
So that's what I meant by you know, we all have our flaws, each, every one of us on this earth, but how do we come, how do we be better people to ourselves, mainly to ourselves.

00:04:11.039 --> 00:04:11.280
Right.

00:04:11.439 --> 00:04:11.599
Right?

00:04:11.759 --> 00:04:11.919
Right.

00:04:12.159 --> 00:04:12.719
And to others.

00:04:13.039 --> 00:04:13.360
Right.

00:04:13.599 --> 00:04:17.519
My thing is to me, God is my support.

00:04:17.680 --> 00:04:18.240
Yeah.

00:04:18.560 --> 00:04:26.240
But if the only reason I do good is because I don't want to go to hell, that doesn't make me a very good person.

00:04:26.639 --> 00:04:27.839
Do you see what I'm saying?

00:04:28.240 --> 00:04:28.879
One more time?

00:04:29.040 --> 00:04:30.319
I just want to process that again.

00:04:30.560 --> 00:04:33.600
I say uh I believe God is my support.

00:04:33.839 --> 00:04:34.319
Yes.

00:04:34.560 --> 00:04:38.399
But I don't do the right thing because I don't want to go to hell.

00:04:38.560 --> 00:04:43.839
Because I think if I don't do if I do the right thing because I don't want to go to hell, it's really not a good thing.

00:04:43.920 --> 00:04:50.319
That's that's that's personally that he's from the heart, and your heart determines it.

00:04:50.399 --> 00:04:53.920
Yeah, my father was one of the kindest, fairest men I've ever known.

00:04:54.079 --> 00:04:54.399
Yeah.

00:04:54.639 --> 00:05:05.759
Um he uh he a lawyer or a judge, he was a judge when he talked to me about this, and he said, I had a case with your father in 1950 something or other, and we were gonna get a continuance on the case.

00:05:05.920 --> 00:05:10.480
My fat your father said, I'm going downtown, I'm seeing that judge, I'll get the continuance.

00:05:10.639 --> 00:05:12.639
Two days later, Daddy didn't call.

00:05:12.800 --> 00:05:21.360
The guy went down to the judge and said, Bill Toller said, and the judge, the judge held his hand up and said, If Bill Toller said it, then it's true.

00:05:21.519 --> 00:05:22.959
I don't want to hear anymore.

00:05:23.120 --> 00:05:23.839
Wow, integrity.

00:05:24.160 --> 00:05:24.959
He had that reputation.

00:05:25.759 --> 00:05:34.399
This is a black guy back in the 50s practicing law when most black law, when none of the white law firms would let him in, he had to have his own shingle.

00:05:34.720 --> 00:05:43.600
So his integrity was unrelated to a belief in in punishment or reward after death.

00:05:43.839 --> 00:05:49.839
It was solely a function of you treat people right because you should treat people right.

00:05:50.079 --> 00:05:50.639
Right.

00:05:50.879 --> 00:05:51.839
You know what I mean?

00:05:52.319 --> 00:06:00.800
You know, you you know, and he also said, I have uh represented too many ministers to believe, you know.

00:06:01.199 --> 00:06:08.319
But you know, hey, Bill, she's 14, and I'm I'm I'm come get me, you know.

00:06:08.800 --> 00:06:11.680
They're bad, there are a lot of bad people out there.

00:06:11.839 --> 00:06:14.319
And when they got into it, versus in the name of God.

00:06:14.480 --> 00:06:23.680
They would call, yeah, and they would call, or even they talking all that God stuff, and then what they doing at night is is the most ungodly thing you could think of.

00:06:23.839 --> 00:06:24.079
Yeah.

00:06:24.480 --> 00:06:27.120
You know, and they breaking in money on that kind of thing.

00:06:27.199 --> 00:06:37.199
So his that's how I separated, even though I have a belief that he doesn't have he didn't have a belief that I should do right, hell or no hell.

00:06:37.360 --> 00:06:38.160
Cause it's right.

00:06:38.399 --> 00:06:38.639
Right.

00:06:38.800 --> 00:06:39.439
Yeah.

00:06:39.920 --> 00:06:40.480
Makes sense.