WEBVTT
00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:04.400
Welcome to the Young Nation, the Spirit of Gratitude podcast on the OneTech platform.
00:00:04.559 --> 00:00:05.280
Hello, friends.
00:00:05.360 --> 00:00:14.800
My name is Yorgesh Patel, and this podcast explores the themes of bullying self-awareness and the power of our inner spirit, including the silent battles we all face.
00:00:15.119 --> 00:00:28.640
Join me every week as I invite high-profile guests as we explore how adversity shapes us, how gratitude lifts us, and how we can all uncover the inner strength that we all have within ourselves.
00:00:28.960 --> 00:00:30.079
Join the conversation.
00:00:30.239 --> 00:00:31.760
I appreciate you listening in.
00:00:36.560 --> 00:00:39.359
My next guest is one of my childhood idols.
00:00:39.520 --> 00:00:43.439
Before Tony Robbins was a household name over 35 years ago, there was Dr.
00:00:43.600 --> 00:00:44.560
Nato Coubain.
00:00:44.640 --> 00:00:52.960
As a teenager growing up around my family's nursery business, my dad and I would always listen to his motivational cassette tape series called Communicate Your Way to Success.
00:00:53.119 --> 00:00:59.600
And today I have the incredible honor and privilege of welcoming that same voice to the Spread of Gratitude podcast as Dr.
00:00:59.679 --> 00:01:03.200
Coubain now is president of High Point University in North Carolina.
00:01:03.280 --> 00:01:07.599
His name is synonymous with communication and leadership, way before there was LinkedIn.
00:01:07.760 --> 00:01:08.719
And under Dr.
00:01:08.879 --> 00:01:13.599
Coubain's leadership, High Point University has stacked accolades like a highlight reel.
00:01:13.840 --> 00:01:18.000
The Princeton Review has named HPU the number one best run college in the nation.
00:01:18.159 --> 00:01:18.879
And from the U.S.
00:01:18.959 --> 00:01:35.120
News World Report's 2026 rankings, the number one best regional college in the South, 14 years running, number one most innovative, 11 years running, and number one best undergraduate teaching three years running, and certainly the good ones make it look easy.
00:01:35.359 --> 00:01:37.359
And today you'll get an inside look at how Dr.
00:01:37.439 --> 00:01:50.560
Coubain has made the university successful, the important lessons on gratitude that the students learn, and the unique perspective on technology and social media, for good and bad, that affects how we communicate something we can all learn from.
00:01:50.879 --> 00:01:56.000
Folks, this is going to be one masterclass episode and with incredible distinction and gratitude.
00:01:56.239 --> 00:01:57.599
Welcome to the podcast, Dr.
00:01:57.760 --> 00:01:58.239
Cubane.
00:01:58.480 --> 00:01:59.120
Thank you very much.
00:01:59.200 --> 00:02:00.400
What a pleasure to be with you.
00:02:00.560 --> 00:02:07.280
I didn't realize that you listened to me when you were much younger, but um I wish you'd listen to me more recently.
00:02:07.439 --> 00:02:09.759
I've gotten a little better, you know, over the years.
00:02:09.919 --> 00:02:13.680
So that was that was my that was my question, sir.
00:02:13.759 --> 00:02:21.759
And that is, you know, from the cover of your cassette tape series, I remember your infectious smile and your black hair back in the day.
00:02:21.840 --> 00:02:28.560
And it looks like Father Time has blessed you with a few more white hairs, a sign of wisdom over the course of many years, yes?
00:02:28.800 --> 00:02:30.960
No, no, it had nothing to do with Father Time.
00:02:31.039 --> 00:02:34.319
I I do this, I paint it once a week, and it stays the same.
00:02:34.800 --> 00:02:44.080
Um, listen, I I um you know I believe that school is never out for the pro, so all of us have to be learning all the time, and that's the only way we can transform ourselves.
00:02:44.240 --> 00:02:47.919
Someone said change is inevitable, so don't fight change.
00:02:48.080 --> 00:02:49.759
But transformation is optional.
00:02:49.919 --> 00:02:51.039
It's optional.
00:02:51.360 --> 00:02:55.680
Whether we grow in spirit, in mind, in intellect, that's optional.
00:02:55.840 --> 00:03:00.000
Whether we grow in our position in the marketplace or not, that's optional.
00:03:00.159 --> 00:03:10.000
So I've chosen, like you've chosen, in my life to um to grow and become better and learn something new every day and to hang around the right people and to make the right choices.
00:03:10.240 --> 00:03:13.520
And and it's amazing what can happen when you have the right attitude.
00:03:13.599 --> 00:03:18.159
You know, your beliefs lead to your behaviors, your behaviors lead to the results that you have in life.
00:03:18.240 --> 00:03:26.319
And we all need coaches, and whether they're in person or seminars or reading books or watching videos or listening to podcasts, all the same.
00:03:26.560 --> 00:03:27.919
Wisdom is very important.
00:03:28.000 --> 00:03:31.199
If all you have is information, people will use you and discard you.
00:03:31.360 --> 00:03:34.560
If all you have is knowledge, people come upon you only when they need you.
00:03:34.719 --> 00:03:36.800
But if what you have is wisdom, people respect you.
00:03:36.960 --> 00:03:42.319
So in all of my searching, you know, I've searched for wisdom, and I want to grow in wisdom every day.
00:03:42.479 --> 00:03:46.080
When you have wisdom, you can figure out the rest of it, as clearly you have done.
00:03:46.400 --> 00:03:48.719
Oh, you have a few years ahead of me there.
00:03:50.560 --> 00:03:55.919
Well, as president of High Point University, sir, you've infused gratitude into the culture on campus.
00:03:56.080 --> 00:03:58.080
And what does that word mean to you?
00:03:58.159 --> 00:04:01.520
And where did instilling this value with uh your students come from?
00:04:01.759 --> 00:04:08.159
Well, I think um, you know, I carry with me a little note that says, uh, enjoy the gifts, but keep your eyes on the giver.
00:04:08.800 --> 00:04:22.160
And um, you know, my my view, my view of life is sort of based on what William Barclay, the Scottish theologian, once said, always receive without forgetting, always give without remembering.
00:04:22.560 --> 00:04:38.639
And I believe that gratitude is one of the most wonderful um elements in a person's life, is that any person who thinks, you know, to take a word, for example, like people say, I want to be financially independent.
00:04:38.800 --> 00:04:39.839
There is no such thing.
00:04:39.920 --> 00:04:42.639
You're never independent, you are a part of the universe.
00:04:42.879 --> 00:04:46.399
What you really mean to say is I want to be financially confident.
00:04:46.800 --> 00:04:49.839
That's very different than saying financially independent.
00:04:50.079 --> 00:04:54.879
If someone says he's a self-made person, there is no such thing as a self-made person.
00:04:55.040 --> 00:05:02.399
We are the byproduct, the byproduct, the people who hang around with the books we read, the learnings that we take into our psyche, and so on.
00:05:02.639 --> 00:05:07.759
And so when I came to Hyper University, I didn't want to be president of university.
00:05:07.839 --> 00:05:11.839
I was in business for 33 years, had half a dozen businesses, I was very successful.
00:05:12.000 --> 00:05:31.600
But when I came to Hyper University, I I decided that these students need to learn the essence of what built America in the first place, and what makes the world a wonderful place in which to reside, and what makes relationships are terrific when you build bridges of understanding with other people.
00:05:31.839 --> 00:05:35.199
And to be grateful lifts your spirit.
00:05:35.439 --> 00:05:48.160
And so here, you know, we have something called the Gratitude Project where every year we ask our students to go in and write on cards, you know, I am grateful for so-and-so, and then send that card to somebody.
00:05:48.240 --> 00:05:50.800
Then we put it on video, then we put it on posters.
00:05:50.879 --> 00:05:59.120
And the whole idea is not so much to, you know, get someone to just do something specific, but rather to have one live in that universe.
00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:06.319
You know, um, if if your circle of influence is large enough, your circle of concerns will be minimal.
00:06:06.560 --> 00:06:07.839
And and how do you get that?
00:06:08.160 --> 00:06:09.519
I'm sorry, one more time on that?
00:06:09.920 --> 00:06:16.399
If your circle of influence is large enough, then your circle of concerns will be small, right?
00:06:16.560 --> 00:06:29.920
Because if the more influence you have in your life, the more people who are in your circle who can advise you, guide you, mentor you, be your heroes, and so on, the less you feel the burden of the concerns that life has a way of bringing our way.
00:06:30.319 --> 00:06:44.079
So for me, that speaks to a lot of uh individuals that are trying to overcome anxiety or some sort of thing that is going on in their lives, whether it's an emotional concern, a mental health concern, or physical.
00:06:44.240 --> 00:06:45.360
We all need that tribe.
00:06:45.600 --> 00:06:47.439
Yes, all of that is important, right?
00:06:47.519 --> 00:06:52.319
This is it's important for the evolution and the maturation of a human being.
00:06:52.560 --> 00:06:57.600
But gratitude is the essence of a spirited individual.
00:06:57.759 --> 00:07:02.639
Gratitude is when you get up in the morning and you thank God Almighty for the breath of life.
00:07:02.879 --> 00:07:03.920
I mean, think about it.
00:07:04.079 --> 00:07:10.240
The one gift without which you and I cannot survive, cannot live, is called oxygen.
00:07:10.480 --> 00:07:14.399
And it's a gift that's been given to us at no cost whatsoever.
00:07:14.560 --> 00:07:16.560
It's free for one and all.
00:07:16.720 --> 00:07:22.000
It does not prejudice anybody in their in their in the selection process.
00:07:22.160 --> 00:07:25.279
Every person can have this oxygen and live.
00:07:25.439 --> 00:07:31.839
And yet, my friend, when was the last time we looked up to the heavens and thank God for oxygen?
00:07:32.079 --> 00:07:34.399
The one without which we cannot live.
00:07:34.560 --> 00:07:49.199
Now you can extend that oxygen from the oxygen in the air that we must breathe to the oxygen that feeds our soul and our relationship to the family who love you, to the to the to the work that you have for which you should be very grateful.
00:07:49.360 --> 00:07:50.720
That's oxygen.
00:07:50.879 --> 00:07:54.560
And so, gratitude for me is the essence of life and living.
00:07:54.639 --> 00:08:04.000
It's what makes serendipities come your way in abundance, it's what makes you overcome adversity and find abundance in meaningful ways.
00:08:04.079 --> 00:08:09.680
It's is is the remembering of that and then the actualization of that in the way you speak.
00:08:09.759 --> 00:08:16.160
And you know, sometimes as simple as just learning to that a visualization thing, sir, or is it something else that you described?
00:08:16.560 --> 00:08:17.439
Say that one more time.
00:08:17.839 --> 00:08:19.040
Is it a visualization?
00:08:19.279 --> 00:08:30.240
Well, yes, that's of course, you know, of course, the way you the way that's where beliefs come from, is the way you see yourself and the way where you see yourself going, uh, that is a big part of how you then behave, right?
00:08:30.480 --> 00:08:37.919
Um if I think I'm a pretty smart person, experienced person, I can walk in a room and be confident and and carry conversations.
00:08:38.080 --> 00:08:42.480
If I think otherwise, I might be a little more trepid about these kinds of things.
00:08:42.639 --> 00:08:52.000
But but I think I think that I think that gratitude is the foundational strength of our soul.
00:08:52.240 --> 00:08:56.159
And do you think it's more self-awareness or the inner spirit or both when it comes to this word?
00:08:56.399 --> 00:09:01.200
No, it's uh it's a well, of course, self-awareness, but but there's no such thing as self-awareness.
00:09:01.279 --> 00:09:03.200
It's awareness that I learn, right?
00:09:03.279 --> 00:09:06.960
It's um I don't come out of my mother's womb aware of all these things.
00:09:07.200 --> 00:09:16.960
I develop self-awareness by by being open to learning, by watching other people, by analyzing what I see, and by absorbing those things that could be useful to me.
00:09:17.200 --> 00:09:19.440
And so awareness is big.
00:09:19.679 --> 00:09:24.559
Awareness is the is the is the door that unlocks all the potential in one's life.
00:09:24.720 --> 00:09:31.039
Because awareness then can can lead to judgment, and making good judgment in life is very worthwhile.
00:09:31.200 --> 00:09:33.120
And good judgment leads to relevance.
00:09:33.200 --> 00:09:34.320
It's never the other way around.
00:09:34.480 --> 00:09:40.240
Everybody wants to talk about relevance, but it's really awareness leading to judgment, judgment leading to relevance.
00:09:40.320 --> 00:09:43.840
And then relevance is all about providing appreciated value.
00:09:44.080 --> 00:09:49.759
So, you know, I mean, I get a little philosophical about this stuff, but this stuff I live with every day, this is who I am.
00:09:50.000 --> 00:09:57.120
So your questions are very much part of my um part of my part of my um uh, you know, um mind.
00:09:57.440 --> 00:09:57.919
Your DNA.
00:09:58.159 --> 00:09:58.799
That's all, yes.
00:09:59.120 --> 00:09:59.840
Yeah, yeah.
00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:06.879
Well, you also teach a life skills seminar to all freshmen, and what do you teach them and what have they taught you in return?
00:10:07.039 --> 00:10:11.679
Yeah, you know, High Point University is the premier life uh life skills university.
00:10:11.759 --> 00:10:12.879
That's our distinction.
00:10:13.200 --> 00:10:15.519
We are a life skills university.
00:10:15.600 --> 00:10:20.159
In other words, it doesn't mean I'm teaching you, you know, just how to walk and talk.
00:10:20.639 --> 00:10:38.080
What it means is that when you go to school and learn and learn whatever you want to learn, engineering, pharmacy, dental medicine, you name it, you know, whatever it is you want to be, you have to graduate from college ready to achieve the things that you want to do in your life.
00:10:38.240 --> 00:10:50.480
And a lot of people graduate from college who are very, very informed in their own discipline, but they are very ill-informed about how to build teams, how to find solutions, how to how to build relational capital.
00:10:50.799 --> 00:10:52.320
Those are all life skills.
00:10:52.399 --> 00:10:59.039
So in my class, I teach a session to all freshmen, roughly 1,700 of them, um, on Thursday morning.
00:10:59.200 --> 00:11:06.879
I teach um things like fiscal literacy, money, how to make it, how to invest it, how to save it, how to share it.
00:11:07.039 --> 00:11:13.759
I teach the uh how to connect with people, how to communicate, how to present your ideas in a persuasive manner.
00:11:13.919 --> 00:11:21.600
You know, I teach the whole notion about leadership, that managers manage a process, but leaders change people and grow people.
00:11:21.759 --> 00:11:23.759
And what are the elements that make all of that?
00:11:24.159 --> 00:11:34.639
I teach something about stewardship, that we as human beings have a responsibility to help other people and to be stewards and to bring good where it is most needed.
00:11:34.799 --> 00:11:47.840
And so these are things that the 17, 18-year-old is unlikely to hear a lot of, but these are the things that are foundational in the in the building of someone's character and someone's level of integrity and awareness.
00:11:48.000 --> 00:11:49.200
So that's that's what I teach.
00:11:49.279 --> 00:11:51.279
It's a fun class, about an hour, 15 minutes.
00:11:51.360 --> 00:11:55.120
But imagine 1700 teenagers sitting in the class.
00:11:55.360 --> 00:12:03.279
Not many people can can keep their attention and and keep them going for 75 minutes when you're a 17-year-old.
00:12:03.440 --> 00:12:07.039
But you can't you can't use iPhones in the class, you know, you have to pay attention.
00:12:07.279 --> 00:12:14.559
And of course, I make the class interesting with using all of your senses, hearing, seeing, feeling, participating, all of that.
00:12:14.799 --> 00:12:22.480
Is that part at the end of each semester uh what they do uh in reference to giving out teddy bears?
00:12:22.720 --> 00:12:28.320
Well, at the end of each semester, you know, they have to write a paper talking about what it is that they've learned in the class and what they're gonna do.
00:12:28.480 --> 00:12:35.039
In other words, strategic planning is all about where am I today, where do I want to go, and how do I get there.
00:12:35.200 --> 00:12:43.840
And we're not talking just about physical things, we're talking about how do I grow spiritually, mentally, intellectually, socially, familially, economically.
00:12:44.000 --> 00:12:45.840
And so what is my plan?
00:12:46.000 --> 00:12:47.039
Where am I headed?
00:12:47.279 --> 00:12:48.320
How am I targeted?
00:12:48.399 --> 00:12:50.000
That's the whole notion of the class, right?
00:12:50.080 --> 00:12:56.320
Is to is to create within you here's where I am, here's where I want to go, and these are the ways I'm gonna get there.
00:12:56.559 --> 00:12:59.120
Wish we had that uh growing up ourselves.
00:12:59.759 --> 00:13:04.000
Well, I think it speaks to a lot of it is emotional intelligence, right?
00:13:04.080 --> 00:13:07.200
There's certainly, you know, being street smart or book smart, right?
00:13:07.440 --> 00:13:19.919
You can ace an SAT, but do you have that level of awareness to those interpersonal communication skills that's so vital in terms of how we nurture ourselves and our souls?
00:13:20.159 --> 00:13:22.080
You know, emotional intelligence is everything.
00:13:22.240 --> 00:13:32.080
I mean, if if you don't have um uh uh enough EQ in your personhood, it's difficult to build bridges of understanding with other people.
00:13:32.240 --> 00:13:35.440
We are, we nobody wants you to have crusades aimed at them.
00:13:35.519 --> 00:13:37.279
Everybody wants to have partnerships, right?
00:13:37.440 --> 00:13:42.960
And partnerships cannot be made if if you don't if you don't know how to build trust.
00:13:43.360 --> 00:13:51.039
You know, if people don't like you, don't respect you, don't trust you, it's difficult to do business with you.
00:13:51.120 --> 00:13:53.759
And it's difficult to do it in a sustainable manner.
00:13:54.000 --> 00:14:13.600
And so my view always is that yes, emotional intelligence is very, very important, especially at a time when technology has taken so much of our attention and absorbed so much of our time, uh, you know, learning about thinking about AI and all the things thereof, we still need that human connection.
00:14:13.759 --> 00:14:21.279
We still need to look eyeball to eyeball with each other, we still need to listen to each other, and we still need to help each other and be grateful to each other.
00:14:21.600 --> 00:14:25.759
So, do you think that is the right balance of technology and social media in today's generation?
00:14:26.000 --> 00:14:26.960
I I don't know.
00:14:27.120 --> 00:14:27.840
I don't know.
00:14:28.000 --> 00:14:37.120
I mean, AI, you know, just by the time we get used to some technology, something else comes up, and we have to adapt and and and and flex and so on.
00:14:37.279 --> 00:14:38.799
I don't know where it's going.
00:14:38.960 --> 00:14:40.320
I wish I had all the answers.
00:14:40.480 --> 00:14:49.440
What I do know, though, is that you have to prepare yourself intellectually and physically to deal with whatever comes around the corner.
00:14:49.600 --> 00:14:54.000
We may not know exactly what's around the corner, but we have to be prepared for it.
00:14:54.240 --> 00:15:00.639
Maybe we'll never be 100% prepared, but at least at least we can be more prepared than not.
00:15:00.799 --> 00:15:06.399
And so my view is that yes, we have to learn about AI and all the things that come with it.
00:15:06.559 --> 00:15:11.919
Um, and slowly as it unveils itself, we have to adapt and adopt appropriately.
00:15:12.080 --> 00:15:21.120
But in the interim, we have to work on ourselves because the one element in one's life that's most important is ourself.
00:15:21.200 --> 00:15:23.279
I have to work on me every day.
00:15:24.080 --> 00:15:28.000
I have to learn to speak in a fluid, flowing manner.
00:15:28.159 --> 00:15:33.840
I have to be informed and I have to sound reasoned and reasonable, right?
00:15:34.080 --> 00:15:40.240
So these are all very important parts of humanity that you may not be able to handle all of AI.
00:15:40.399 --> 00:15:52.960
You may not be able to control what AI does or doesn't do, but you can control how you can respond to it, how you can be engaged in it, and how you can be adequately prepared to at least deal with it to the extent a human being can.
00:15:53.279 --> 00:16:01.120
Well, speaking of AI, you know, I guess that's how the world has changed over the course of the past 10-15 years.
00:16:01.519 --> 00:16:05.600
Can the American dream still be achieved as you came to the country with$50?
00:16:06.080 --> 00:16:11.440
And fun fact, my date, my dad came uh with only$8 from India.
00:16:11.759 --> 00:16:13.279
Yes, yes, I understand.
00:16:13.519 --> 00:16:24.000
Listen, American Dream is alive and well for those who search for it, seek it, want to be involved in it, and are prepared to pay the dues for it.
00:16:24.159 --> 00:16:26.799
You can't stay in bed expecting it to come to you.
00:16:26.960 --> 00:16:28.879
Success does not come to you.
00:16:29.200 --> 00:16:30.879
You must go to it.
00:16:31.039 --> 00:16:32.960
So, yes, the American Dream is alive and well.
00:16:33.039 --> 00:16:39.279
I'm reading a good book called The American Dream, and it cites with data, you know what it is that you can do.
00:16:39.360 --> 00:16:43.039
There is no excuse why you cannot do well in America.
00:16:43.279 --> 00:16:48.159
Of course, I understand there's exceptions to every rule, like hell and other issues.
00:16:48.320 --> 00:16:51.279
And of course, I understand that certain people have come up the hard way.
00:16:51.360 --> 00:17:00.799
I am one of those people that came to America on a one-way ticket, didn't have any money, had to work my way through college, had 500 bucks saved out of graduate school, start my first business.
00:17:00.960 --> 00:17:07.279
So I have I have minimal tolerance for someone who wants to tell me why they can't do well in life.
00:17:07.440 --> 00:17:12.559
Now, that doesn't mean that we all should have the same level of the American dream.
00:17:12.880 --> 00:17:16.400
American dream is all about achieving one's own goals.
00:17:16.559 --> 00:17:17.839
I'll give you an example.
00:17:18.960 --> 00:17:26.640
You cannot tell a third grade teacher who goes to college four, five, six years to become informed enough to be a teacher.
00:17:26.880 --> 00:17:29.680
They know they're going to be overworked and underpaid.
00:17:29.839 --> 00:17:34.799
You cannot tell that person they did not achieve the American dream or that they're not successful.
00:17:35.039 --> 00:17:42.079
Now, you know, if you ask Ted Turner, the founder of CNN, he'll tell you success is about, you know, building a media empire.
00:17:42.240 --> 00:17:45.039
If you ask an entrepreneur, he might tell you it's about making a lot of money.
00:17:45.119 --> 00:17:49.440
If you ask Hank Aaron, he might tell you success is about beating the record of Babe Ruth.
00:17:49.519 --> 00:17:53.519
If you ask Albert Einstein, he might tell you it's about unraveling the rest of the universe.
00:17:53.599 --> 00:18:01.039
But if you could have asked Mother Teresa, she would have told you success is about feeding the hungry and clothing the poor.
00:18:01.359 --> 00:18:05.200
So the American dream is about achieving your goals.
00:18:05.359 --> 00:18:09.119
You may be the greatest painter, you may be the richest person in the world.
00:18:09.279 --> 00:18:12.079
I don't know what it is, and it's not for me to judge.
00:18:12.480 --> 00:18:25.680
What is for me to judge, if if I am if I am in that genre where I need to judge, or I'm at a judge, what is for me to judge is to say, are you using as much of your potential as you possibly can?
00:18:26.079 --> 00:18:30.240
Are you studying every day and growing spiritually and otherwise?
00:18:30.640 --> 00:18:31.839
Are you committed?
00:18:32.079 --> 00:18:33.359
Are you just making a decision?
00:18:33.519 --> 00:18:36.240
I want to achieve the American dream, or are you making a commitment?
00:18:36.480 --> 00:18:40.559
See, your commitments are longer lasting, commitments are harder to break.
00:18:40.880 --> 00:18:47.680
You know, you you you can make a decision easily, but with your brain, but commitments you make with your heart.
00:18:47.920 --> 00:18:54.000
Um, and this is why an entrepreneur like me who begins a starts a business, and maybe the business is very hard.
00:18:54.160 --> 00:18:57.680
If I only made a decision to be in it, I'll drop out of it very quickly.
00:18:57.839 --> 00:19:05.759
But if I made a commitment to be in it, I'll give it everything I have and I'll stick it out through thick and thin and eventually arrive at some level of success.
00:19:05.920 --> 00:19:12.400
So, yes, in conclusion, American dream is alive and well for those who seek it and want to and want to achieve it.
00:19:12.480 --> 00:19:15.200
Um, but it's not it's not easy, you know.
00:19:15.680 --> 00:19:19.200
How do you accept failure or rejection uh from that perspective?
00:19:19.519 --> 00:19:24.160
Oh my goodness, I mean, who amongst us has not been rejected?
00:19:24.319 --> 00:19:33.599
I mean, you can't you can't go from here to there without someone standing outside the circle trying to criticize what's inside the circle.
00:19:33.839 --> 00:19:46.720
If rejection means that um if rejection means that someone is gonna criticize you, critique you, write something about you on social media, tell other people that you're not worthy or worthwhile, you have to rise above it.
00:19:46.880 --> 00:19:54.880
Norman Vincent Peel was the guy who wrote the great book about the power of positive thinking.
00:19:55.119 --> 00:19:59.200
Um and when he was like nine years of age, I asked him this question.
00:19:59.279 --> 00:20:03.440
I said, Appeal, you're a very important, you're an American American icon.
00:20:03.519 --> 00:20:06.880
I mean, everybody wants to hear you, read your books, or listen to you preach, and so on.
00:20:07.039 --> 00:20:09.039
But you get a lot of criticism.
00:20:09.440 --> 00:20:10.559
How do you deal with it?
00:20:10.720 --> 00:20:13.759
And he said, Oh, well, you know, I listen to it.
00:20:13.920 --> 00:20:18.559
If it's if it is worthy and it makes sense, I learn from it.
00:20:18.880 --> 00:20:29.599
But if it's Nicki Mouse stuff, and people just beating me up because they're jealous, envious, or they have some prejudice about it all, I ignore it.
00:20:29.839 --> 00:20:33.279
And so we will all be rejected sooner or later.
00:20:33.440 --> 00:20:37.920
You know, you try to get a girlfriend and maybe she'll drop you, send you a dear John letter or something.
00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:38.880
That's rejection.
00:20:39.039 --> 00:20:42.319
Maybe you go apply for a job and they don't pick you, they pick the other guy.
00:20:42.400 --> 00:20:43.440
That's rejection.
00:20:43.680 --> 00:20:53.839
You know, rejection, if analyzed correctly and absorbed maturely, is a pathway to maturation.
00:20:54.160 --> 00:20:56.319
It is a pathway to great things.
00:20:56.480 --> 00:21:06.160
It's like, let me put it this way: there are productive failures and there are non-productive successes.
00:21:06.400 --> 00:21:11.759
So a productive failure is when you feel, you've been, you know, you you fail, you've been rejected, it didn't work out.
00:21:11.920 --> 00:21:13.279
But you analyze it, learn from it.
00:21:13.359 --> 00:21:18.079
So next time you don't make the same mistakes, you become better, faster, etc.
00:21:18.640 --> 00:21:20.960
Non-productive success is when you succeed.
00:21:21.039 --> 00:21:24.079
You don't know why you succeeded, therefore you cannot replicate it.
00:21:24.240 --> 00:21:29.920
You see many people who build a business, sell it to private equity, make a lot of money, so oh, now I'm gonna go do it again.
00:21:30.160 --> 00:21:32.079
Try do it again, they can't do it again.
00:21:32.240 --> 00:21:38.079
They did not analyze why they succeeded, how they succeeded, and therefore they can't replicate it.
00:21:38.319 --> 00:21:42.079
Obviously, there are other factors that can enter the zone as well.
00:21:42.319 --> 00:21:46.000
So rejection is not um is not a big deal to me.
00:21:46.480 --> 00:21:58.880
What's a big deal to me is um awareness about what I can do, but more importantly, my awareness of what can I bring to the table that is worthy and worthwhile for others.
00:21:59.039 --> 00:22:02.880
How can I serve and make humanity and the world a better place?
00:22:03.119 --> 00:22:13.519
And invariably, I don't think about money, invariably, when you do good and when you build good things and when you stick to it, somehow money finds its way to you.
00:22:13.759 --> 00:22:20.480
And and but if you just get up in the morning saying, uh, I just have to focus today on going to make money, it doesn't work very well.
00:22:20.640 --> 00:22:32.079
But if you go out there and say, I'm gonna really be a person of value, I want to be a person of relevance, I want to help other people achieve their goals when you least expect it.
00:22:32.720 --> 00:22:36.720
A door of opportunity opens up for you, or a window, or someone makes a hole in the ceiling.
00:22:36.880 --> 00:22:39.759
It doesn't matter which way it comes your way, it's still opportunity.
00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:53.759
I guess it reminds me of your story that you shared uh purchasing your first vehicle, having$350 in the bank, and bank statement a month or two later, showed the balance of$700.
00:22:54.240 --> 00:23:00.240
Yeah, that was a wonderful lady, you know, who who didn't have any money, but she wanted to help me.
00:23:00.319 --> 00:23:02.559
I've had lots of angels in my life.
00:23:02.799 --> 00:23:08.319
But angels do not enter your life unless you have open arms to welcome them in your life.
00:23:08.480 --> 00:23:14.240
If you're a person constantly resisting opportunity, of course, of course, it's not gonna come to you.
00:23:14.400 --> 00:23:21.519
You have to be willing to accept and be acceptable so that it works for you.
00:23:21.680 --> 00:23:29.200
And uh, you know, I'm writing my autobiography now, and I can tell you I found in my life many turning points that turn to tipping points.
00:23:29.359 --> 00:23:55.200
And I found in my life that there's so many angels, some I'd forgotten about, shame on me, who were there for me in moments of need and for whom um I would love to show tangible gratitude to the children or grandchildren to say, your dad or your or your mom or your grandfather was so good to me when I really was not a person who needed to be focused upon.
00:23:55.279 --> 00:23:59.039
But but he somehow lifted me up, you know, he pushed me up.
00:23:59.200 --> 00:24:02.319
Um, you know, I always say don't don't help people out.
00:24:02.480 --> 00:24:04.640
Help people up, help them up.
00:24:04.799 --> 00:24:07.359
If you help them out, it's just a singular event.
00:24:07.519 --> 00:24:18.799
But if you help them up, it's a pattern of of um it's a and that and that help could be anywhere, it could be as simple as opening the door to a person.
00:24:19.200 --> 00:24:20.799
Absolutely, absolutely.
00:24:20.960 --> 00:24:28.160
Giving a little bit of advice, sharing a little time with them, sending them a little gift, um uh give them some encouragement.
00:24:28.319 --> 00:24:36.319
All these are wonderful, wonderful examples of the you know, the attitudinal approach to gratitude.
00:24:36.640 --> 00:24:40.960
Well, and can you quantify the benefits of gratitude on a student or an employee?
00:24:41.039 --> 00:24:44.640
I mean, is is there a way to measure gratitude's impact to an individual?
00:24:44.880 --> 00:25:01.920
Uh well, uh not in a mathematical or statistical uh you know, data-based way, um, but you can measure it, of course, based on their behavior, based on their response, based on you paying it forward, and then they go do something worthwhile with their life.
00:25:02.079 --> 00:25:03.200
That's how you measure it.
00:25:03.359 --> 00:25:11.039
You don't measure it by saying, oh, well, you know, they wrote me three thank you letters, or or you know, uh they went from here to here.
00:25:11.200 --> 00:25:13.519
You measure it by saying, look what that person's doing.
00:25:13.599 --> 00:25:16.079
Look at the it's about impact.
00:25:16.240 --> 00:25:19.680
If you're focused on legacy, you're missing the point.
00:25:19.759 --> 00:25:22.559
If you focus on impact, you're making the point.
00:25:22.720 --> 00:25:27.039
So what happens is this legacy is what people know about you.
00:25:27.359 --> 00:25:30.799
Impact is how people feel because they crossed your path.
00:25:31.039 --> 00:25:35.759
In other words, something happened to them because they were exposed to you somehow.
00:25:36.000 --> 00:25:38.720
And so we need to live lives of impact.
00:25:38.960 --> 00:25:41.359
Not be worried about what our legacy will be.
00:25:41.519 --> 00:25:49.359
Because unless you're William Shakespeare or Winston Churchill or Abraham Lincoln, it's unlikely people are going to remember you way down the road.
00:25:49.519 --> 00:25:51.680
Um, and so I don't care about that.
00:25:51.839 --> 00:25:58.720
I care about planting seeds of greatness every day in someone's life, or in many people's lives.
00:25:58.880 --> 00:26:04.720
And when you do that, you know, the you the way you quantify that, or the way you measure that's a better word for it.
00:26:04.799 --> 00:26:09.359
The way you measure that is by watching what they do in their life.
00:26:09.440 --> 00:26:11.839
And you say, wow, I had a little impact there.
00:26:11.920 --> 00:26:15.200
Maybe I caused them a little pain when I shared with them this or that.
00:26:15.359 --> 00:26:22.160
But look at how they've evolved into this human being who's who's a leader, you know, among leaders.
00:26:22.480 --> 00:26:29.359
They must be prepared to have bumper, road bumps, or speed bumps in order for anyone to achieve greatness.
00:26:30.720 --> 00:26:33.839
So is that how do you teach that as a life skill at the university?
00:26:34.079 --> 00:26:36.000
Yeah, um, how do you teach it?
00:26:36.160 --> 00:26:36.480
Yes.
00:26:36.720 --> 00:26:39.119
When you don't teach it, you model it.
00:26:39.599 --> 00:26:40.720
You model it.
00:26:41.200 --> 00:26:46.079
So the best way to learn is to see someone else doing it.
00:26:46.319 --> 00:26:59.039
Now, you may still have to go learn the specific, you know, pieces of it, but when you model behavior, uh people will respond and and emulate it.
00:26:59.200 --> 00:27:07.279
And you know, in other words, the zone in which you choose to reside directly influences the person you become.
00:27:07.599 --> 00:27:19.519
So if if you're the kind of person who's going to leave trash behind, other people might just start saying, well, that's just a cultural state, state in which we in which we find ourselves.
00:27:19.680 --> 00:27:28.480
But if someone over organization and they pick up a piece of trash and they're really good at what they do and to keep the environment clean, uh, then other people are likely to do the same, right?
00:27:28.640 --> 00:27:32.240
So now you do teach some concepts, of course.
00:27:32.319 --> 00:27:38.400
I mean, we all have to learn some philosophical and practical practical concepts.
00:27:38.559 --> 00:27:44.160
But what I mean by modeling is by saying set an example to others and see what happens.
00:27:44.480 --> 00:27:55.839
Yeah, I guess it reminds me of a phrase, I don't know who said it, but in order to understand a person, observe their five closest friends that they hang out with, and you'll have an understanding of who that person is.
00:27:56.240 --> 00:27:57.039
I I believe that.
00:27:57.119 --> 00:27:58.720
I think that's I think that's a very good point.
00:27:58.880 --> 00:28:09.039
Now, at Hype University, what we do is we have an ecosystem in which, you know, life skills are emulated, displayed, and taught.
00:28:09.279 --> 00:28:12.000
I should say, and learned, not taught.
00:28:12.240 --> 00:28:19.680
Um, so you know, we have certain restaurants where you learn about protocol, about global education, about so on.
00:28:20.000 --> 00:28:26.880
We have um classes that that provide um information, like my class and others.
00:28:27.039 --> 00:28:37.200
We have in-residence experts, like the founder of Apple Computer, and uh and one of the founders of this uh, you know, the co-founder of Netflix and so on, who come here and teach.
00:28:37.759 --> 00:28:40.319
Is that Reed Hoffman and Steve Wozniak?
00:28:40.640 --> 00:28:41.519
Yes, absolutely.
00:28:41.759 --> 00:28:45.279
Mark, Mark Randolph and Steve Wozniak.
00:28:45.519 --> 00:28:53.599
So they are in residence here, and what they do is they teach our students, you know, real life, what they've been, what they've done, and and what they see.
00:28:53.920 --> 00:28:58.960
Um, and so you need the learning inside the classroom by the experts in the subject matter.
00:28:59.119 --> 00:29:05.279
You also need to learn the lessons about the application, the execution of these ideas in real life.
00:29:05.440 --> 00:29:18.640
And so we do many, many, many things like that, in which, you know, it's it's you can't walk from here to there and not feeling a life skill penetrating your your your psyche or your personhood.
00:29:18.960 --> 00:29:31.359
And for and the premise of the podcast, again, was for young adults and adolescents taking stock in in overcoming adversity, whether it's bullying or fighting their own inner demons.
00:29:31.519 --> 00:29:42.480
And what I found out based on the data and analytics are that the listeners to the podcast are folks in their 30s and 40s and 50s, presumably parents, right?
00:29:42.720 --> 00:29:59.759
So, what would be one word of advice that you can give parents to instill some of these values of gratitude or other foundational elements of how to be a good person for them so that they can teach their own children these important values in life?
00:30:00.079 --> 00:30:02.319
Well, first and foremost, be accessible.
00:30:02.640 --> 00:30:03.759
Be accessible.
00:30:04.000 --> 00:30:08.799
It's hard to, you know, say, do what I do when I can't even see what you do, right?
00:30:08.880 --> 00:30:10.000
So you've got to be accessible.
00:30:10.240 --> 00:30:15.440
Second, I think it's knowing that young people don't want um crusades aimed at them.
00:30:15.599 --> 00:30:18.720
They want to build partnerships and be collaborative.
00:30:18.880 --> 00:30:24.319
And so look at yourself in the mirror and say, when they look at me, what do they see?
00:30:24.480 --> 00:30:26.400
And is that what I want them to see?
00:30:26.559 --> 00:30:36.079
I used to use the example saying, um, give me three adjectives that you believe other people use to describe you.
00:30:36.559 --> 00:30:37.759
And people write those down.
00:30:37.839 --> 00:30:44.240
Then I'll say, now, write down the three adjectives that if you had your way, you would have people describe you.
00:30:44.480 --> 00:30:48.960
Now the question is, is there is there a chasm between these two?
00:30:49.119 --> 00:30:51.440
And if there is, how are you gonna cross your Rubicon?
00:30:51.599 --> 00:30:53.440
How are you gonna cross this chasm?
00:30:53.599 --> 00:30:57.599
What is it you must do to change that point of view?
00:30:57.839 --> 00:31:06.559
And so, you know, the the whole notion about parenting is to understand that they're watching you and they're modeling your behavior.
00:31:06.799 --> 00:31:11.359
And you can't say to someone, I love you, when they see you do things that are unlovable.
00:31:11.839 --> 00:31:15.839
And listen, I'm not saying it's easy and I'm not saying I'm an expert.
00:31:16.079 --> 00:31:31.359
All I'm telling you is that I know I've got almost 7,000 students here, and I can tell you that that they watch and they want you to be their friend, and they want you to be approachable, and they want you to be usable, they want you to be accessible.
00:31:31.519 --> 00:31:34.400
Uh, it's hard to sort of just lecture people.
00:31:34.559 --> 00:31:35.680
People don't want that.
00:31:35.839 --> 00:31:39.279
You know, they want they want they want camaraderie.
00:31:39.359 --> 00:31:43.839
I'd rather I'd rather listen to someone I trust than someone who just has authority.
00:31:44.160 --> 00:31:45.279
This is incredible.
00:31:45.519 --> 00:31:46.079
Thank you, Dr.
00:31:46.240 --> 00:31:53.599
Cavain, for sharing all your wisdom and knowledge, and I can understand how you grew those white hairs over time.
00:31:54.079 --> 00:31:55.759
And one final question, sir.
00:31:55.920 --> 00:32:03.039
Is there anything that I missed on this podcast episode that you would like to share to the listeners who I call the citizens of Yog Nation?
00:32:03.359 --> 00:32:05.119
Well, I don't think you've missed anything.
00:32:05.279 --> 00:32:13.759
I I do believe that there are some ideas or concepts or points of view that that would help someone move forward.
00:32:13.920 --> 00:32:17.599
For example, focus is more important than intelligence.
00:32:17.839 --> 00:32:24.559
So, in all of our attempt to study and learn, we're trying to we're trying to evolve and enhance our intelligence.
00:32:24.720 --> 00:32:27.119
But really, more important than that is focus.
00:32:27.359 --> 00:32:36.000
Can I focus on that which I want to do and become really good at it instead of just being out here in a million directions?
00:32:36.160 --> 00:32:40.880
Um, I make a difference between time management and energy management.
00:32:41.119 --> 00:32:47.200
So you can be the greatest time manager in the world and really not be that effective or that impactful.
00:32:47.359 --> 00:32:58.880
So I want to invest my energy in uh in areas and in activities and projects that are worthy of my investment.
00:32:59.279 --> 00:33:01.119
Um, I think about problem solving.
00:33:01.279 --> 00:33:05.680
Many people know how to solve problems, but the more important one is solution finding.
00:33:05.920 --> 00:33:07.759
You know, a problem could be temporary.
00:33:07.839 --> 00:33:10.640
I could fix the problem this week, and then again next week, and then again the next week.
00:33:10.799 --> 00:33:17.119
Solution finding the people who go underneath it all and say, how can I build a foundation so this never happens again?
00:33:17.359 --> 00:33:19.359
Um I think about to-do lists.
00:33:19.440 --> 00:33:22.160
You know, people got to-do lists, I gotta do this, do this, do this, do this.
00:33:22.319 --> 00:33:25.759
But more important than a to-do list is a stop doing list.
00:33:26.160 --> 00:33:32.480
What must I stop so I can develop the best list of all, which is a to-be list.
00:33:32.640 --> 00:33:34.799
Who do you know that has a to-be list?
00:33:35.039 --> 00:33:36.640
I want to become.
00:33:42.960 --> 00:33:47.599
Instead of saying, I want to become, and then working towards it.
00:33:47.680 --> 00:34:05.920
That's what I mean about focusing and and and then the byproduct of all of this clearly is I'm grateful for my mind, for my friends, for my family, for my opportunity to serve and be in a responsible position, all those things that come with it.
00:34:06.160 --> 00:34:06.400
Dr.
00:34:06.559 --> 00:34:12.639
Cubane, again, I this this episode to me is meaningful in so many ways.
00:34:12.800 --> 00:34:22.480
It makes me be that 15-year-old kid where me and my dad would uh be in the going through our nursery delivery routes, asking for orders from various retail outlets.
00:34:22.559 --> 00:34:28.719
And so Monday through Wednesday, that's what I'd be listening how to effectively communicate to be successful.
00:34:28.880 --> 00:34:40.400
And I thank you so much for sharing part of your knowledge and wisdom and experience over the years to help others lift them up to provide value, perhaps when they don't see value in themselves.
00:34:40.719 --> 00:34:41.039
Dr.
00:34:41.199 --> 00:34:46.880
Cubane, I'm grateful that you were on the podcast that you came on the podcast and hope to see you again.
00:34:47.119 --> 00:34:48.079
Thank you and God bless you.
