What Does Success Really Look Like After 35 Years?

Ego Built From Fear

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Well, given the nature of competitive sports, especially in soccer slash football, you know, someone who's been on both a champ who's been a both a championship player and a championship coach at such a young age, Malik, how did you keep your ego in check and build that self-awareness needed to lead others? I I could imagine it gets complicated.

SPEAKER_00 0:21

As a young player, I definitely had an ego. Probably was very uh honestly, I was I was not a very nice person at times. I was pretty angry. Um, probably this typical Middle Eastern young man angry about um just angry at the world. Um just because of the things that had happened up to that. Um, you know, growing up outside of Houston, I was in a in a culture of where there wasn't a lot of people like me. In fact, I was the only person next to my twin brother out of 1200 students that were brown. There may have been 20 African Americans, 20 black students in the whole in the whole um the whole school. Um and at that time we had just left maybe five to less than a decade before that, um left Libya as a kindergartner, first grader, because my dad had recently, a couple years prior, been jailed uh for 40 days uh and put into a prison system with eight to ten of his friends who were all the greatest minds coming out of school at that time. Uh some of those guys who just retired were from the UN Security Council. One of them helped form the IBM chip.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

So these were educated men at high levels that Qaddafi, dictator at the time, was trying to press into serving him. So they said no. Of course, they were jailed. Nobody knew who they were. And uh, you gotta understand too, uh, my grandfather was a diplomat. He, you know, we have pictures of him with the Roosevelts and the Vatican and the King of Belgium. Uh so he didn't even know where he was. So that kind of tells you how how close-knit that that became right away and how well he took over. Uh my grandmother was also the first woman to um to drive in Libya, my first my first woman to uh own her own business in Libya. So we had a family of forward-thinking progressive about the education. I have a aunt who speaks nine languages and has like three doctors' degrees. She's uh I I kneel down to her because she's she's only like five, four foot eleven, five foot one, but she's an amazing, just an amazing person, you know.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

Like she's a that's that's a lot of sharp tools in the shed.

SPEAKER_00 2:36

Exactly. So my ego was really about just fear. That's the reason why. Because I was in a in a place that was not that didn't feel

Growing Up As A Chameleon

SPEAKER_00 2:46

home. I still was trying to adapt. I was a chameleon. Basically, you know, I had to change my skin according to what group I was in that in that time period. And as a first generation American, specifically a proud Texan, in fact, a very proud Libyan Texan. Um my ego was born from fear and that escaping a dictator. And you know, once released, you know, my dad served his time because basically he was trying to press him to serve for the government. So my dad did two years working in the oil fields, and then after things kind of died down, he said, Yeah, I'm going on a business trip to Houston, and we never returned. So it was one of those stories.

SPEAKER_01 3:26

But it's interesting. I mean, going back, you mentioned growing growing up as a chameleon, and I think that that's a relatable story today, again, for those that are perhaps down under luck or trying to not be their authentic self, right? I think that's what a lot of this podcast aims to do is to provide this really authentic storytelling. And oh my gosh, you've certainly achieved that. But in terms of the wisdom and perspective you have towards a person that may not be exactly in your shoes, but has that fear of whatever is causing them not to be the best version of themselves. So curious, Malik, what would you say to that individual?

SPEAKER_00 4:08

Uh, first and foremost, the resources we have now and and and just just in your hand as you pull up your phone is amazing uh in that respect. That you can connect with those who look and feel and are like you much easier. I uh example, and it took me a long time. Okay, I'm I'm an example of somebody who who went from one tribe to another trying to figure out who I was. Uh recently, or like not recent, but like maybe five, six years ago, I had an opportunity to join a civic organization called the Hundred Black Men of Austin. And there's ones all over almost every major city uh in the 100 Black Men of America as well. Um and I found my tribe. I found people who were like me in a sense of trying to do the right thing for our community and help bring brown and black people who have, you know, through educational, not through excuses, not through, you know, we're not a political organization, but we are policy-oriented and trying to make sure that the right things are done for everybody, including our brown and black community.

SPEAKER_01 5:17

I think you're so right. The resources are out there. It just takes that initial push, that inertia to get started, whether that comes from yourself or a person who deeply cares about the struggles or challenges you're going through to help to give them guidance and say, hey,

Finding Your Tribe With Resources

SPEAKER_01 5:36

check this out. That might be helpful.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

And I think that Yeah, I always feel like when you give back to your community, whichever form that is, um you'll be surprised what you get in return.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

But kind of going back to again, the serving, I think you uh are best at using soccer as a tool to serve others. And how do you measure success in that mission?

SPEAKER_00 6:01

Well, after 35 years of coaching, I have now players and people coming back to me with their own kids that I've coached at ages 10, 11, and 12 asking me to coach their kids. So that gives me one aspect saying I didn't screw them up. And that's something that you have to understand as a for me. I know it's easier to screw up somebody when you're trying to develop them as a person as much as you're trying to help them. So I keep that in mind. I have players who played at the highest levels that I've coached. In fact, one has an academy program right here in town that I coached when he was 14. And we were pretty hard on him when he was 14. Not because we because of his potential and because of what he wanted. And that's the other thing, too. Uh, what do they want? Uh how um how much do you give? I always tell my players now, and I've said this for almost 20 years now, uh, I will give as much as you give me. So if you want a lot, if you want that big time, and you can't just talk about it because people talk all the time, but you have to show me, uh, like Missouri, the show me state. Um, you have to really like really show me that you want to that next level. Do you want to play high school or do you want to play college? Or you want to do

Measuring Success Beyond Trophies

SPEAKER_00 7:20

you want this or that? We're gonna do whatever we can to give you the tools and skills and uh the mental toughness and resilience necessary to make it. But for the for the most part, um there's so many talent people out there never make it, and it's not because they're they're not talented enough, it's because they don't have the heart or the willingness to suffer. My tagline for Austin is a little bit of a little bit more.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

Tell me more, willingness to suffer. That's huge.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

Okay, it's called soccer. It's soccer, passion, and passion is a word that people emphas think about like you know, that great passion for something, but it also means suffering. You have to be able to suffer through the soccer part sometimes to get to where you want to be. And then the third tagline for us at Austin Sol FC is called cultural intelligence and being understanding of where they're coming from and where they want to get to. Not everybody wants is going to be the same way. Just because you're a soccer player, if you're a white soccer player from a suburb, it's different. And that's just the truth. Uh, you will you might have, especially here where I live in Austin, um, where we have lots of resources and we have this very influential, affluent uh suburbs, like many cities. Um, so if you're in that area, you might not need the same as somebody who comes from another area where you know he has to work till you know six o'clock in the afternoon and then go train and then go back and help his dad because he's working the tile business, um, regardless of color.

SPEAKER_01 8:55

But kind of going back to the nature of soccer, I mean, it is, I mean, I know I know that you develop uh and mold these young men and women, uh, but

Passion Means Willingness To Suffer

SPEAKER_01 9:06

soccer could be very can be a very cutthroat environment, especially for kids chasing big dreams, what you just mentioned. But have you seen bullying or toxic competition creep into the sport? And how do you step in as a coach to protect the player's confidence and joy?

SPEAKER_00 9:22

Um, before I answer that, I just want to give two examples of the soccer's a tool survivors and how I measure it. One other person is Winston Poole, is another player of mine who I coached at 12 that nobody wanted, and now just won a state championship as a coach. Uh, and is Coach of the Year in Austin, um, has won so many different awards. And then another player is when I coach at the collegial level named Diego Flores, who was the first graduate in his family. To me, that was super important. Yeah. Uh, not only did he was he the first, he when I spoke to him recently after not seeing him for like 20 years, he told me the time on the field changed his life. It allowed him to be able to grow, and now he's at a very big firm, uh, you know, and a very making amazing he's just a really high-level executive, uh, and he came from nowhere. Um, so it's just opening doors and giving people opportunity, I think, is really the key. Um, and you you and if you guide them the right way, I think you'll be surprised what they can do. So, and then the cutthroat environment, hmm, that is my biggest concern.

SPEAKER_01 10:33

Biggest what, I'm sorry?

SPEAKER_00 10:34

My biggest concern as a coach. When I walk on the field, my number one priority is the safety of my players. Period. There's nothing else more important to me. So that means everything from field conditions, when I walk the field, if I've never been there and I don't know the field, uh, we'll walk right off. I don't care about winning or losing. If

Safety First In Youth Soccer

SPEAKER_00 10:56

the storms are really prevalent in central Texas, just like Florida, just like other parts in the south, if there's lightning in the area, back in the day before we had lightning meters and a phone, I would walk off the field if I saw even thunder or lightning in the in the distance, and people like, why? It's not even close. I'm like, it doesn't matter, I'm getting off the field. If you can see it, you can get hit by it. And that's the truth. And that's the science. Um, and it happened actually when my career when we were first day of soccer for my my uh daughter, Yara, as a nine, 10-year-old, we're going up to the field and lightning hit a fence that rebounded and hit a child, and there was clear skies. It was uh a lightning storm or thunderstorm about 10 miles away. Uh, and that child has never been the same. Oh my goodness. So that's how that's how important it is. Um be safe. So that's just one, but creating like the in regards to toxic environments, it's not tolerated for me. Um I I don't care for I I've I was called Mr. Fix It for a long time because if there was a problem with a team that they couldn't figure out why, uh they would give it to me as I was going through the coaching ranks and becoming a director and coaching at the level. And a lot of times I would just go in with an open mind, see what was going on, and a lot of times it was one or two players that were causing it. And if you got the players off, everything became so much better. And even though they were probably the best players, and that was usually the case, unfortunately, um, I didn't care because that was not the important. The important part was the team, and no one player or one person can should be, including the coach, should be that important to the team that that that cannot be.

SPEAKER_01 12:48

What about the opposing team though?

Stopping Toxic Competition Fast

SPEAKER_01 12:50

What if they have perhaps an arrogant coach or a snot-nosed kid who wants to milit malicious harm?

SPEAKER_00 13:00

Yeah, I would make it clear to the coach and give them a chance to help them understand what's going on on the field. And in in not in the back in the day when I was young, probably not in a really correct way, but now I would do it privately, probably, and just let them know what's going on and see what happens. But in the end, if we had to play that team again, I would make it clear that we're not going to tolerate that. Uh, and we will walk off the field. Again, this is not about wins or losses. This is about player safety and also having an environment that everybody can be, can grow and develop from. And you can't grow and develop from a toxic environment or environment that's negative. So