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Welcome to the Yog Nation, the Spread of Gratitude Podcast on the OneTech platform.
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Hello, friends.
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My name is Yogesh Patel, and this podcast explores the themes of bullying, self-awareness, and the power of our inner spirit, including the silent battles we all face.
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Join me every week as I invite high-profile guests as we explore how adversity shapes us, how gratitude lifts us, and how we can all uncover the inner strength that we all have within ourselves.
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Join the conversation.
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I appreciate you listening in.
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Malik Ben Musa is an internationally recognized soccer player, having played in Europe and is a nationally licensed professional soccer coach with over 35 years of experience from youth to college to the professional ranks.
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He's won championships at the collegiate level and is now owner and co-founder of Austin Soul FC.
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Today he shares his life experiences being a coach and being a truth seeker, which is going to be interesting to unravel.
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And with gratitude, welcome to the podcast, Malik.
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Thank you, Yogi.
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Uh, just wanted to say first and foremost, uh just want to thank God um and you and uh of course the Yogi Nation.
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Uh just sincere gratitude uh for the time and space to be able to tell my story.
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Oh, thank you.
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It's an honor for you to be here.
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So, first Ted Lasso question: how many times in a given period do you need to hear the word believe before you start believing in yourself?
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For me, it's probably once now.
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Um, I think this is because of just a mindset I have after coaching for a long time.
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Um, you know, I believe to me actually means the process.
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Um so looking back, even when things are bleak, um, you know, I think if you believe, if you have a faith-based uh in a gratitude type of, you know, like one thing about gratitude, first and foremost, is it's hard to be negative when you're grateful.
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True.
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Uh just that mindset.
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So if you're really truly grateful for what you have, regardless of how things are going, it's very hard to be very negative.
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How do you impart that in people that again, I know it's it's a mindset and belief, but I'm sure environment plays a big role in terms of the people that give you that belief in themselves.
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I mean, you just have to look.
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Uh in Arabic would be sufdahtik.
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Look under you.
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Look, and that doesn't mean look under you, like meaning socially or socioeconomically, meaning look at people who are suffering and countries that don't have any access to what you have, or don't have the educational opportunities, don't have the nice car I'm driving, whatever.
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You know, what you can go on and on and on unless I always talk um to ones who kind of feel bad for themselves.
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I'll take, you know, take the privilege test.
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There's 19 questions, it's very simple.
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You take that test, and you pretty much, regardless of who you are uh in the United States, you're probably gonna realize that you're pretty privileged.
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So, what is this privilege test?
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I'm curious.
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It's right online.
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You can just look up the privilege test and you'll come up with different variations of it.
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Um, I've given it to different people and it's helped them kind of realize where they're at and kind of get themselves out of that feeling, hey, woe is me.
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Um, because that happens to everybody.
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Um, you know, I'm uh uh I'm compassionate and you know, feel for people who are suffering.
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Um, because a lot of times it's also self-inflicted a little bit too.
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Um, and it's the woe is me kind, but the privilege test kind of helps you understand, hey, I don't live day to day thinking about what where I'm gonna get my next meal, or I have to go walk five miles to go get go get a um something to drink, like water, or where I'm gonna get myself cleaned off.
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I guess uh have a roof.
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Yeah, I guess what you uh you remind me of any problem that at least I have, it's kind of a first world problem.
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And that's really kind of a reminder, excuse me, um regarding that.
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But you know, so for me, belief is you going back to that question, is this the result of your scope of content?
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Like you don't know if you have a a belief in a greater power above you, your creator, God, uh Allah for me, um, that you know it's it's never out of his reach, out of God's reach, every what you the plan is for you.
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Um, and going back to Ted Lasso, um so playing I you know coats have felt like same as another that that you know soccer, the lessons I've learned in soccer have helped me in life.
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So that whole premise from the actor Christo Fernandez, Donnie, you know, soccer is life.
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Yes, that is really kind of like how I've never really turned it.
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Actually, he says football is life.
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Football is life, soccer is life.
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Same idea.
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I know, yeah, yeah.
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Just having fun.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.
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So, yeah, so uh in my travels and around the world, you know, that that last statement that Pep Guardiola said to Ted Lasso in that final episode really kind of emphasizes it's about people uh and believing in people and giving them an opportunity, and um, and it's being reaffirmed over and over and over again, regardless if I'm in Spain.
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Like last year I was in Spain for a wedding at a professional coach who's a friend of mine, and the same summer I was in Brazil and Sao Paulo at another wedding for one of my good coaching friends.
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Um and um and and there wasn't any difference.
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It was it was always about people.
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How can we help develop the person?
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And from that, you will get astonishing results on the field.
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Well, given the nature of competitive sports, especially in soccer slash football, you know, as someone who's been on both a champ who's been a both a championship player and a championship coach at such a young age, Malik, how did you keep your ego in check and build that self-awareness needed to lead others?
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I I could imagine it gets complicated.
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Uh as a young player, definitely had an ego.
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Probably was very uh honestly, I was I was not a very nice person at times.
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I was pretty angry.
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Um, probably this typical Middle Eastern young man angry about um just angry at the world.
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Um just because of the things that had happened up to that.
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Um, you know, growing up outside of Houston, I was in a in a culture of where there wasn't a lot of people like me.
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In fact, I was the only person next to my twin brother out of 1200 students that were brown.
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There may have been 20 African Americans, 20 black students in the whole in the whole um the whole school.
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Um and at that time we had just left maybe five to less than a decade before that, um, left Libya as a kindergartner, first grader, because my dad had recently, a couple years prior, been jailed uh for 40 days uh and put into a prison system with eight to ten of his friends who were all the greatest minds coming out of school at that time.
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Uh some of those guys who just retired were from the UN Security Council.
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One of them helped form the IBM chip.
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Wow, so these were educated men at high levels that Qaddafi, dictator at the time, was trying to press into serving him.
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So they said no.
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Of course, they were jailed.
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Nobody knew who they were.
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And uh, you gotta understand too, uh, my grandfather was a diplomat.
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He, you know, we have pictures of him with the Roosevelts and the Vatican and the King of Belgium.
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Uh, so he didn't even know where he was.
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So that kind of tells you how how close-knit that that became right away and how well he took over.
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Uh my grandmother was also the first woman to um to drive in Libya, my first my first woman to uh own her own business in Libya.
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So we had a family of forward-thinking progressive about the education.
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I have a aunt who speaks nine languages and has like three doctors' degrees.
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She's uh I I kneel down to her because she's she's only like five, four foot eleven, five foot one.
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But she's an amazing, just an amazing person, you know.
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Like she's uh that's that's a lot of sharp tools in the shed.
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Exactly.
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So my ego was really about just fear.
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That's the reason why.
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Because I was in a in a place that was not that didn't feel home.
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I still was trying to adapt.
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I was a chameleon.
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Basically, you know, I had to change my skin according to what group I was in that in that time period.
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And as a first generation American, specifically a proud Texan, in fact, a very proud Libyan Texan.
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Um my ego was born from fear and that escaping a dictator, and you know, once released, you know, my dad served his time because basically he was trying to press him to serve for the government.
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So my dad did two years working in the oil fields, and then after things kind of died down, he said, Yeah, I'm going on a business trip to Houston, and we never returned.
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So it was one of those stories.
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But it's interesting.
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I mean, going back, you mentioned growing up growing up as a chameleon, and I think that that's a relatable story today, again, for those that are perhaps down under luck or trying to not be their authentic self, right?
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I think that's what a lot of this podcast aims to do is to provide this really authentic storytelling.
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And oh my gosh, you've certainly achieved that.
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But in terms of the wisdom and perspective you have towards a person that may not be exactly in your shoes, but has that fear of whatever is causing them not to be the best version of themselves.
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So curious, Malik, uh, what would you say to that individual?
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Uh, first and foremost, the resources we have now and and and just just in your hand as you pull up your phone is amazing uh in that respect.
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That you can connect with those who look and feel and are like you much easier.
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I uh example, and it took me a long time.
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Okay, I'm I'm an example of somebody who who went from one tribe to another trying to figure out who I was.
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Uh recently, or like not recent, but like maybe five, six years ago, I had an opportunity to join a civic organization called 100 Black Men of Austin.
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And there's ones all over almost every major city uh in 100 black men of America as well.
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Um and I found my tribe.
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I found people who um were like me in a sense of trying to do the right thing for our community and help bring brown and black people who have, you know, through educational, not through excuses, not through, you know, we're not a political organization, but we are policy-oriented and trying to make sure that the right things are done for everybody, including our brown and black community.
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I think you're so right.
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The resources are out there.
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It just takes that initial push, that inertia to get started, whether that comes from yourself or a person who deeply cares about the struggles or challenges you're going through to help to give them guidance and say, hey, check this out.
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That might be helpful.
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And I think that Yeah, I always feel like when you give back to your community, whichever form that is, um you'll be surprised what you get in return.
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But kind of going back to again the serving, I think you uh are best at using soccer as a tool to serve others.
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And how do you measure success in that mission?
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Well, after 35 years of coaching, I have now players and people coming back to me with their own kids that I've coached at ages 10, 11, and 12 asking me to coach their kids.
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So that gives me one aspect saying I didn't screw them up.
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And that's something that you have to understand as a for me.
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I know it's easier to screw up somebody when you're trying to develop them as a person as much as you're trying to help them.
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So I keep that in mind.
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I have players who played at the highest levels that I've coached.
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In fact, one has an academy program right here in town that I coached when he was 14, and we were pretty hard on him when he was 14.
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Not because we because of his potential and because of what he wanted.
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And that's the other thing, too.
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Uh, what do they want?
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Uh how um how much do you give?
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I always tell my players now, and I've said this for almost 20 years now.
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Uh I will give as much as you give me.
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So if you want a lot, if you want that big time, and you can't just talk about it because people talk all the time.
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But you have to show me, uh, like Missouri, the show me state.
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Um, you have to really like really show me that you want to that next level.
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Do you want to play high school or do you want to play college?
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Or do you want to do you want this or that?
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We're gonna do whatever we can to give you the tools and skills and uh the mental toughness and resilience necessary to make it.
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But for the for the most part, um there's so many talent people out there never make it, and it's not because they're they're not talented enough, it's because they don't have the heart or the willingness to suffer.
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My tagline for Austin.
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Tell me more, willingness to suffer.
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That's huge.
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Okay, it's called soccer.
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It's soccer, passion, and passion is a word that people emphasi think about like you know, that great passion for something, but it also means suffering.
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You have to be able to suffer through the soccer part sometimes to get to where you want to be.
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And then the third tagline for us at Austin Sol FC is called cultural intelligence and being understanding of where they're coming from and where they want to get to.
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Not everybody wants is going to be the same way.
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Just because you're a soccer player, if you're a white soccer player from a suburb, it's different.
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And that's just the truth.
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Uh you will you might have, especially here where I live in Austin, um, where we have lots of resources and we have this very influential, affluent uh suburbs, like many cities.
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Um, so if you're in that area, you might not need the same as somebody who comes from another area where you know he has to work till you know six o'clock in the afternoon and then go train and then go back and help his dad because he's working the tile business, um, regardless of color.
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But kind of going back to the nature of soccer, I mean, it is, I mean, I know I know that you develop uh and mold these these young men and women, uh, but soccer could be very can be a very cutthroat environment, especially for kids chasing big dreams, what you just mentioned.
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But have you seen bullying or toxic competition creep into the sport?
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And how do you step in as a coach to protect the player's confidence and joy?
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Um, before I answer that, I just want to give two examples of the soccer's a tool survivors and how I measure it.
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One other person is Winston Poole, is another player of mine who I coached at 12 that nobody wanted, and now just won a state championship as a coach.
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Uh, and is coach of the year in Austin, um, has won so many different awards.
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And then another player is when I coach at the collegiate level named Diego Flores, who was the first graduate in his family.
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To me, that was super important.
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Yeah.
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Uh, not only did he the first, he when I spoke to him recently after not seeing him for like 20 years, he told me the time on the field changed his life.
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It allowed him to be able to grow.
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And now he's at a very big firm, uh, you know, and a very making amazing, he's just a really high-level executive.
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Uh, and he came from nowhere.
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Um, so it's just opening doors and giving people opportunity, I think, is really the key.
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Um, and you you and if you guide them the right way, I think you'll be surprised what they can do.
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So, and then the cutthroat environment, hmm, that is my biggest concern.
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Biggest what I'm sorry?
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My biggest concern as a coach.
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When I walk on the field, my number one priority is the safety of my players.
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Period.
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There's nothing else more important to me.
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So that means everything from field conditions, when I walk the field, if I've never been there and I don't know the field, uh, we'll walk right off.
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I don't care about winning or losing.
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If the storms are really prevalent in central Texas, just like Florida, just like other parts in the south, if there's lightning in the area, back in the day before we had lightning meters and a phone, I would walk off the field if I saw even thunder or lightning in the in the distance, and people are like, why?
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It's not even close.
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I'm like, it doesn't matter, I'm getting off the field.
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If you can see it, you can get hit by it.
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And that's the truth.
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And that's the science.
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Um, and it happened actually when my career when we were first day of soccer for my my uh daughter, Yara, as a nine-10-year-old, we're going up to the field and lightning hit a fence that rebounded and hit a child, and there was clear skies.
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It was uh a lightning storm or thunderstorm about 10 miles away.
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Uh, and that child has never been the same.
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Oh my goodness.
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So that's how that's how important it is.
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Um be safe.
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So that's just one, but creating like the in regards to toxic environments, it's not tolerated for me.
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Um, I I don't care for I I've I was called Mr.
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Fixit for a long time because if there was a problem with a team that they couldn't figure out why, uh, they would give it to me as I was going through the coaching ranks and becoming a director and coaching at the level.
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And a lot of times I would just go in with an open mind, see what was going on, and a lot of times it was one or two players that were causing it.
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And if you got the players off, everything became so much better.
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And even though they were probably the best players, and that was usually the case, unfortunately, um, I didn't care because that was not the important the important part was the team, and no one player or one person can should be, including the coach, should be that important to the team that that that cannot be.
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What about the opposing team though?
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What if they have perhaps an arrogant coach or a snot-nosed kid who wants to malicious harm?
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I would make it clear to the coach and give them a chance to help them understand what's going on on the field.
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And in in not in the back in the day when I was young, probably not in a really correct way, but now I would do it privately, probably, and just let them know what's going on and see what happens.
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But in the end, if we had to play that team again, I would make it clear that we're not going to tolerate that.
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Uh, and we will walk off the field.
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Again, this is not about wins or losses.
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This is about player safety and also having an environment that everybody can be, can grow and develop from.
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And you can't grow and develop from a toxic environment or environment that's negative.
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So that's so true.
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I mean, that that's just the life in general, right?
00:19:35.519 --> 00:19:44.799
I mean, yes, it's uh you grow when you are at sometimes at your lowest point, but that doesn't mean that you got there because of the bullying and people putting you down.
00:19:45.119 --> 00:19:49.279
And and that's kind of where I've become a little bit better with my ego.
00:19:49.440 --> 00:19:56.079
Um, you know, I I I work consistently as hard as I can to push the ego down.
00:19:56.160 --> 00:19:58.480
Uh, I hope now it's as small as possible.
00:19:58.640 --> 00:20:08.000
But obviously, as a coach, when you're trying to compete and you're trying to actually win a game, which is part of what we're trying to do, I'm not I'm not coaching a recreational team now.
00:20:08.079 --> 00:20:11.119
I'm coaching an MLS next U16 team.
00:20:11.279 --> 00:20:18.559
So all of these players on this team, all of them across the board, every one of them, who wants to be pro, every one of them raises their hand.
00:20:18.720 --> 00:20:21.599
So if all of them want to be, and then there's no parents around.
00:20:21.680 --> 00:20:23.119
So there's nobody pushing them.
00:20:23.359 --> 00:20:26.799
They all want this, they're all doing everything they can to do the right thing.
00:20:26.960 --> 00:20:37.599
Um, hard for you because of the different dimensions and qualities that each individual player has and how to get the best out of them.
00:20:37.680 --> 00:20:40.799
I I it's like playing four-dimensional chess.
00:20:41.119 --> 00:20:41.759
Pretty much, yeah.
00:20:41.839 --> 00:20:48.319
You you have the team goals, you have the team periodization, but you also have the individual goals and individual periodization.
00:20:48.480 --> 00:20:59.759
How is that gonna also impact their game model, which is basically how we want to play, and how we can help them become the best versions of themselves, all of the but they're also competing against one another, too, to a certain degree.
00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:00.480
Yes, they are.
00:21:00.640 --> 00:21:10.799
They're competing against one each other, one another, they're competing against the other team, they're competing for you know uh coaches' time and coaches' wisdom uh at the same time.
00:21:10.880 --> 00:21:12.079
So all of that plays a part.
00:21:12.400 --> 00:21:13.359
So how do you manage all that?
00:21:15.440 --> 00:21:19.359
You how you balance it according to, again, who's giving what?
00:21:19.599 --> 00:21:26.559
Who's giving, you know, the three things I tell my players that they need to do, and this is what they can control.
00:21:26.799 --> 00:21:32.559
I've done this with a team recently, like six or seven years ago, where I didn't talk about winning.
00:21:32.640 --> 00:21:34.160
I just talked about these three things.
00:21:34.480 --> 00:21:40.240
One, effort individually, uh, meaning I want everything.
00:21:40.400 --> 00:21:43.680
I want physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, I want it all.
00:21:43.920 --> 00:21:44.799
I want 100%.
00:21:45.279 --> 00:21:47.359
Okay, every time you step on a field for me.
00:21:48.000 --> 00:21:52.640
Two, a growth mindset, not a false growth mindset, an actual true growth mindset.
00:21:52.799 --> 00:21:59.920
We want to see you be able to get the mistake, take it, accept it, and move forward and see if we can fix it.
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:00.480
Okay.
00:22:00.880 --> 00:22:07.119
And and not I mean fix it because it's not gonna happen again, but fix it because you understand what the problem was and you're trying to make it better.
00:22:07.440 --> 00:22:11.039
And then third, are you doing the right thing?
00:22:11.519 --> 00:22:15.119
Regardless of what happens on a field, are you doing the right thing?
